This "Glass House" review reveals just how terrible and mind-numbing ABC's new reality TV show is after just last night's premier episode.
Promising sexy, liquor-fueled drama, viewers have been eagerly awaiting the first episode throughout a constant barrage of commercials, media plugs and promotion by ABC. You could hardly get through a single NBA Finals commercial break so far this year without having to experience a lengthy commercial for the show.
But the "Glass House" premier episode Monday night proved that all the hype was most definitely NOT worth it, as TV watchers throughout the nation were treated to one of the most contrived, inane displays of ratings-baiting to hit network television in years. "Real World" this was not.
And that's just one sad fact about "Glass House." Sitting on the couch trying to suffer through its indignities, insufferable moments of crassness and endless gimmicks, I found myself fondly recalling the early days of MTV's original reality TV show, which at least featured what seemed to be real -- if selfish and overconfident -- people experiencing "real" emotions, triumphs and tragedies.
"Glass House" doesn't even play at such niceties, foregoing the "reality" aspect of reality TV in order to present us with a facade of hand-selected actors and actresses all running through the motions of a carefully crafted narrative. In fact even that narrative is left to artifice, as viewers vote for each thing that happens throughout the course of an episode, from what the participants should eat to where they should sleep.
And those participants. They make one wish they were back watching the first season of "Jersey Shore." It's not even worth trying to recall their beside-the-point names. There's the token frat guy, the overweight gay dude, the gay-basher who only wears Boston (he pronounces it Bah-ston of course) shirts, the cougar and a couple of fake-breasted hotties.
And their interactions are so false and inane -- that word begs to be used again -- that it was physically difficult for me to keep my finger from changing the channel. Or just turning the TV off in disgust.
Those who live is glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. And ABC shouldn't do reality TV.
Press play below to watch a video promo for the terror that is "Glass House":