Can the last man to leave football please turn the lights out? David Ginola, ex-Rada, shampoo endorser and smouldering former footballer, wants to become the most influential man in sport and lead a new transparent Fifa. You actually could make this one up.
Such is the lunacy that defines this ludicrous bid to move this jolly figure into the most powerful seat in sport, it insults the very process to indulge Ginola's bid to succeed Sepp Blatter. But for those whose straitjacket has become a little loose, let me explain.
As a former French and English footballer of the year, Ginola amassed a credible reputation either side of the Channel, making nearly 600 professional appearances for club and country, and thrilling thousands with his dazzling wing play. Regrettably, that is where his claim to become the new credible head of Fifa ends.
Despite chanting new-age reforms, Ginola lacks the administrative intelligence and nous to muster a campaign that will capture the imagination of people outside of the exclusive demographic of those who are yet to discover fire.
PR puppet Ginola, with Paddy Power pulling the strings
Ginola is arguably a mere puppet in what is a hideous PR-led campaign that seemingly aims to extinguish football of all integrity. Betting agent Paddy Power has recruited Ginola to lead its assault on influencing the governance of football, and in the new transparent age, for a fee of £250,000.
The remaining £2.05m required to drive Ginola's bid requires funds from supporters across the world, who have demanded change at the top table of football. At the time of writing, just 11% have ignorantly parted with their money to prop up Ginola's dream. No need to commit any of his own money, of course.
You wonder how convinced the world's football supporters would have been by the 47-year-old's responses to questions regarding Fifa's executive committee (didn't know) or the International Football Association Board (didn't know or third-party ownership (didn't know) during a laughable media conference to announce his candidacy.
As many of the world's media have already done, it is easy to dismiss this bid as PR guff and laugh off Ginola, a former Stars In Your Eyes contestant. Perhaps, though, it should reaffirm a worrying reality within our game.
Sepp Blatter's grip on football is unrelenting. The Swiss will run for a fifth term to lead Fifa in May and though he will not run unopposed, he might as well.
Numerous corruption accusations, not least the recent controversy regarding the report into the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, means disillusionment with the running of the sport is at its highest point and yet change is no closer.
That truth has been emphasised by a bid from the jovial betting agent to thrust a figure who challenges Mr Blobby for novelty appeal into the chair and become the anti-corruption face of Fifa. Football needs another long look at itself if this happy-go-lucky candidate thinks he can genuinely affect this troubled organisation.
Ginola makes another four years of Blatter look like an attractive proposition. The sport's administrative arm needs urgent surgery, but not at the expense of integrity and honour.