As Europe burns in the flames of Islamic terrorism, some cities are already suckling at Allah's teat. Birmingham, England, is a little-known former fishing village on the west coast of Scotland. Now it's run by Islamists under the control of Ayatollah Khomeini, who issues orders from beyond the grave. Fox News correspondent Chuck Chuckson has gone undercover in this special report.
Birmingham, Scotland. The latest battleground in the war to save Western Europe.
Recently seized by Saladin's army in a vicious battle against the noble English knights, led by Sir Elton John and Sir Bruce Forsyth, an independent Islamic State has been declared.
This is now a no-go area for non-Muslims, but I have snuck in across the border disguised as Colonel Gaddafi.
On the streets I see hordes of white men and women, who I assume have been forcibly converted to Muslimism, faith of the brown people.
They carry with them bags labelled "Aldi". I am told by the voice in my head that this is short for "Allah's Discounts", a terror-emporium from which one can acquire explosive tepanyaki grills and Molotov cocktails disguised as cheap booze.
As I make my way through the centre of the city, the locals become suspicious.
"I thought you were dead?" laughs one elderly man.
Fear sets in, but I get it together and respond appropriately.
"By the grace and favour of our Lord Allah, I hath been resurrected brother," I say.
He looks frightened by the power of his God. He backs away slowly and whispers "yampy", which I believe is Arabic for "a good day to you, pious brother". I am safe for now.
All around me are Islamic landmarks. In the centre of the city is the Bullring, a gleaming mosque – the world's largest. There are plans afoot to turn it into the new Mecca.
One of the first construction projects of the Islamist rulers is a winding network of roads known as the "Spaghetti Junction", which spells out the Shahada with concrete and tarmac.
There's also a former soccer stadium called "St Andrews", named after a mediaeval Islamic prophet, where sentences issued by the local Shariah Court are carried out on intermittent Saturdays to an audience of literally dozens.
I become thirsty and walk into a shop where I am surprised to see shelves full of alcohol. The reason soon becomes clear. Amid the bottles of vodka and whiskey sits a sign. It is a red circle with the number 18 in it.
The reference, of course, is obvious. Eighteen corresponds to the letters A and H in the alphabet, an abbreviation of the popular local nickname for Muslims: Allah's Henchmen.
The alcohol and the sign are there to remind Muslims that they are not allowed to consume it.
"Can I help you mate," says the shopkeeper, Ranjit.
I ask for a bottle of water from the fridge.
"Hope it's holy," I jest with him, trying to fit in. "Need to refresh the palette after all that praying down the mosque this morning. Did you go?"
"No, I'm Hindu mate."
I become wary of this new Islamic sub-sect, one I have not heard of. Unique to Birmingham, it threatens to bring a whole new dimension to the violent Sunni-Shia-Sikh sectarian conflict within Islam.
I smile and throw him some pounds – apologising for not having any Qurans, the local currency here in Birmingham – and leave quickly before tensions flame between his Muslim sect and whatever mine is supposed to be.
While outside and looking around, a lady without a headscarf – bravery in the face of Birmingham's Muslamic tyranny – asks if I'm lost.
I tell her I am not and, to avoid arousing suspicion, declare loudly that I am found by his most gracious Lord Allah. She looks offended and hurries her small children away.
I wonder what I have said wrong. Islamic Birmingham, it appears, hostile even to its own.
What has happened to this city is a warning to the rest of United England, warns a leading expert in this sort of stuff.
"They have plans to resculpt the coastline of Scotland to make it look a minaret," Steven Emerson, of Washington DC's Investigative Project on Terrorism Foundation tells Fox News.
"Basically, America needs to forget about England now. It's gone. Birmingham, the capital of London, has fallen to the Muslims."