A mother who died with her three-year-old son after being hit by a train on Friday 22 March described suffering from crippling depression in a harrowing series of messages posted online in the months leading to her death.
On Facebook Donna Oettinger, 41, described being so depressed and anxious that she struggled to get up in the morning.
She wrote: "Feeling so depressed with this f****** severe anxiety dread waking up. Panic attacks all day long can't stand this anymore".
She says that her son, who had celebrated his birthday a week before his death, was all that kept her going: "Thank God I have my son Zaki I owe him a lot when I get better love you son with all my heart xxx."
She goes on to describe the effects of medication she is taking: "Lost been on so many diff tablets and off cause of side effects so scared don't know who I am anymore.
"I won't leave the house on some new meds wish I could turn the clock back a year if I knew this was coming I would have left this world it's only because of zaki I am here x."
In August she posted: "Haven't been well now for three months with all this anxiety been hell needed to make changes in my life.
"I look awful lost so much weight, aged 20 years frightened to see anyone at mo xx."
"I hope and pray there is light at the end of the tunnel," she wrote at Christmas.
The Mirror reports that In a recent exchange with her sister Emma, of Croydon, South London, she posted: "Hope ur ok love you loads xx."
"I am only ok when you are. Love u more than life," replied Emma.
Donna pledged, "I will try my hardest for you" and on 6 March, wrote: "I have had the best times with you." Emma replied: "And the best times to come."
On Friday 22 March, Donna walked from her home to nearby Riddlesdown Station near Purley in Surrey and reportedly leapt in front of the 8.29am commuter service from Uckfield, South Sussex, dragging her son with her.
She and Zachary, who was recently signed up by a child modelling agency, were killed instantly.
According to the Mirror, a colleague of the train driver said: "She jumped, pulling the kid with her. He is pretty shook up."
The boy's father is believed to be Egyptian and lives abroad.
A police spokesman said: "British Transport Police are treating the deaths as a murder and suicide.
"I can confirm the woman and child who died at Riddlesdown rail station have been named as Donna Oettinger and her son Zachary. The boy only turned three last weekend."