As Coachella 2017 prepares to open its doors and provide another desert getaway for festival-ready music lovers, the clamour for second-hand tickets is high after passes sold out in less than three hours.
One man, a divorced 56-year-old going by the name of Gordon, placed a Craigslist advert in January 2017 looking to capitalise on this desperation in incredibly uncomfortable fashion.
The former Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation in West Corvina, California, offered a "once in a lifetime opportunity" to attend the festival with a VIP weekend 1 pass, all-expenses paid, by accompanying him as a "travel companion" in his Breaking Bad style RV.
Acts playing that weekend, starting Friday (14 April), include Radiohead, The XX and Lady Gaga. The latter replaced Beyonce as headliner following her pregnancy.
The catch? Gordon, or "Gordie" as he prefers to be known, will be enforcing 20 strict – and very concerning – ground rules for potential applicants, all of whom must be female and between the ages of 19-25.
The handpicked music fan would stay with Gordon in the Tropics Motor Motel in Idio "Thursday through Monday".
If this premise has not rung alarm bells already, the poster, who admitted to having "just left" his job, divorcing his wife of 11 years and cashing out $401,000 to make life "about having fun," requested that the the companion be "open-minded and opportunistic".
The requirements in the post, since removed, continued to get more controlling.
The winner needed to have a "cute indian headband" and "ripped jean shorts", while painting her finger and toenails accordingly. A playlist of Coachella artists was also deemed preferable for the ride over, for which Gordon would provide "beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches".
But, in return, "periodic hand-holding" would be expected — particularly during sensual songs. "Excessive fraternising with other male festival-goers", would result in swift termination of the deal.
The scenario then takes a sinister sexual undertone. Hands must be "kept moisturised" at all times amid "periodic moments of extended eye contact" while "any personal grooming, such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application" needed to be done in his presence.
Gordon also encouraged the potential attendee to let him brush their hair, insist they call him naughty "at least twice" and say "I didn't know how this would go, but I'm actually having a nice time".
It is not known if the post was removed for safety reasons, or because Gordie had the offer accepted.