A 13-year-old has come up with a novel way to convince his parents to buy him the 18-rated Grand Theft Auto 5 - he's used a PowerPoint presentation to pitch why it would be a good move and how he would avoid the game's "killing and sex and what-not".
One of the child's parents posted pictures of the 12 page PowerPoint slideshow on Imgur, and they've since gone viral. There's certainly a good chance the story could be fake, but we're putting our faith in the authenticity of this young teen's desperation to play and watch violent entertainment.
It might not have the bells and whistles of a Dragon's Den pitch, but this teen's spirit is impressive nonetheless. Here's the first half:
The opening two slides set out the boy's (henceforth called Bobby) mission with bold clarity, laying bare his intention to compromise with his parents should they buy him the game. By slide number three Bobby has realised his initial lack of PowerPoint prowess, immediately seeking to spice things up and dazzle his parents with a sexy graph illustrating the difference in age between 13 and 18-year-olds.
Here the boy sets out the reason why he shouldn't really be playing the game, admitting it has "extremely inappropriate stuff" and saying "I'm maybe a little young but you know mature I am" in that way only conniving, guilt-mongering children do. As someone who successfully convinced his mother to buy him Grand Theft Auto: Vice City at the age of 12 I do sympathise with Bobby's plight however.
The small text explaining the evils of GTA 5 are contrasted with the enormous text on the next slide detailing what he'll do to avoid all the grub and sin. His ploy here is obvious. "The campaign is just horrible with swearing and killing and sex and what-not" he says like your average hypocritical Daily Mail reader. He then says he'll only play the online portion of the game, which certainly has less of the filth but still gives players the ability to run over fools with a jet plane.
Bobby then sets out a three step plan. The first step is to purchase the game, which seems obvious, then he describes playing it, putting "HAVE FUN" in all-caps for emphasis. The subtext being: "WHAT KIND OF AWFUL PARENTS WOULD DENY THEIR SWEET CHILD FUN IN THEIR OTHERWISE MEANINIGLESS EXISTENCE!?". The third step reiterates his intention to avoid the campaign, despite it being abundantly clear that he absolutely wants to play it, because what 13 year old gamer wouldn't?
Bobby really ups his game on slide six, promising to shut out any swearing or "other bad noises" by turning down his headphones. "Swearing", "*bad*" and "headphones" are in different colour text and there's a mixing board image as a background. Bobby's PowerPoint skills have jumped from 3/10 to a strong 7 here. Notice also the "for what" after "turn down" - a touching reference to DJ Snake and Lil Wayne's seminal 2014 classic Turn Down For What.
Next he pulls out the classic "BUT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE IT" card we've all played at some point, uses the game's "amazing graphics" to justify the cost and finally claims his desire to play GTA 5 shows an interest in "more serious things". GTA 5 is certainly not a serious thing.
Slide eight is a beauty. "63% of teens will regularly play and enjoy this game weekly to DAILY". "DAILY" has both green text and yellow highlights. Kick that PowerPoint skill rating up to 8/10! This kid is good, but the stat is certainly been plucked from some questionable source.
Okay, maybe he's not so good. Slide nine is stunning disappointment. Three boxes, different sized fonts, inconsistent bullet points, text that runs OUTSIDE OF THE BOX. This is poor, shameful form from Bobby – his parents should have grounded him at this point.
For the finale Booby has created three slides for three eventualities. If his parents say yes he breaks out the colours to promises the "beginning of fun, wonder and excitement". Boy, this kid really wants to kill to some virtual prostitutes. If his parents say they'll think about it things suddenly get creepy. "I hope you make the right choice because if you don't be careful of sleeping tonight or whenever you say no hahahahahahahahaha jk or am I, nah" etc etc. This is not someone ready to be introduced to Trevor Phillips.
The final slide thanks his parents for their time, reminds them that Bobby loves them and respects their decision. Nice move, Bobby boy. He hopes they change their mind in a couple of years and in one final last-ditch effort declares his love again.
In case you're wondering, Bobby's parents said yes.