Cannabis smoker Stephen Kitching decided honesty was the best approach when he told Uxbridge Magistrates' Court "that is my defence - I smoke it."
Kitching, 23, of Wordsworth Way, West Drayton, in west London, who addressed a magistrate as "guv'nor" and another as "mate" only to be told by the bench chairman "I am not your mate", was appearing at the court after officers discovered two bags of drugs on Kitching's person on 2 December.
But any plans to convince magistrates he was innocent soon went up in smoke.
"Basically, I use it to smoke. That is my defence: I smoke it. That is it, I plead guilty, I accept it. I smoked it, I am a smoker, I am sorry man but what can I say."
Kitching was handed a reduced fine of £35 plus a victim surcharge and a contribution towards prosecution costs.
The panel then agreed to give Kitching, who is on benefits, until 15 January to pay the fine after hearing he only had enough money to get the bus home after the hearing.
An order was also made for the drugs to be seized and destroyed.