Tony Blair
Tony Blair, seen here with his trademark cheesy grin, wants to return to politics (Reuters)

Praise be to God! Tony Blair, the former British prime minister, wants to get back involved in public affairs.

Speaking on BBC's Andrew Marr Show, Blair said: "I think here, you know, where I can contribute, I will.

"If people want to listen, that's fine."

We have been racking our brains at IBTimes UK to try and think how best this political beast can return to public affairs.

Here's a selection of prominent roles he may want to consider.

Archbishop of Canterbury

Dr Rowan Williams, the bearded liberal preacher who likes gays (but not enough to marry one), is due to step down from the holiest of roles in the Church of England, a Christian denomination founded on divorce, that bastion of religious morality.

Who better to step into the sandals and don the robes than Saint Tony Blair himself?

Granted he would have to do a coalition-inspired U-turn back to CofE from Catholicism, which he converted to after leaving office in 2007, but there is nothing this shameless charmer won't do to seize a bit of divine power.


Popes don't last that long, and, at 85, the incumbent supreme Catholic, Pope Benedict XVI, is getting on a bit.

Perhaps Blair could save himself a reverse-ferret conversion, sit it out until Benedict meets his maker and snatch the papal staff.

While Blair possibly does not have enough experience covering up the child sex crimes of creepy clerics to qualify for the role, perhaps there's enough Muslim blood on his hands to keep the cardinals happy.

Cheese industry spokesman

With a grin that stretches from Washington to Kabul, and the charisma of an American pastor, Blair is cheesier than a quarto formaggi pizza with extra Parmesan.

This is a man who oozes cheddar.

Who better, then, to represent Britain's historic cheese industry?

President Obama's sycophant

Former president George Bush wore him like a tail and, now that president Barrack Obama is leader of the free world, Britain once again needs someone to grovel to our powerful ally.

While prime minister David Cameron is busy tearing the fabric of our economy and society to pieces, butter-'em-up Blair is the ideal man for the job.

Pan, the Greek god of male sexuality

Tony "five times a night" Blair once boasted of his sexual prowess to the tabloids.

"I was an animal following my instinct," he wrote in his memoirs.

It took six months to clean up the collective national outpouring of vomit that flooded most of the UK.

Even after over 30 years of marriage, his wife Cherie insists that titillating Tony "still excites me in all possible ways".

So step aside Pan, you sexual amateur, Blair must take your throne.