Would You Date Someone Who Earns Less? Modern Family's Sofía Vergara Says Absolutely Not

During a candid appearance on NBC's Today show on 14 May 2025, actress Sofía Vergara didn't mince words when discussing her dating preferences. The 52-year-old, fresh from her high-profile divorce from actor Joe Manganiello, stated plainly that dating a man who earns less than she does would be 'a nightmare'. Her reasoning? Resentment. And if she's honest, she's not here to carry anyone.

Her comments quickly ignited online debate, with some applauding her honesty and others accusing her of elitism. But beyond the noise, a larger question emerged: what actually happens when one partner earns more than the other? And is Vergara really voicing concerns that many couples already grapple with?

When Money Meets Intimacy

For Lami Ronit, a psychologist who works with high-net-worth individuals in both California and London, the issue isn't just about numbers—it's about identity. 'We're still living with this unspoken rule that men should earn more, or at the very least, not less,' she explains. 'So when that dynamic flips, especially in heterosexual relationships, it can make both people uncomfortable, even if they won't admit it.'

In her practice, Ronit often sees high-earning women walk a fine line: celebrated for their success but warned not to be 'too intimidating'. The problem isn't their income; it's what society projects onto it.

The Control Trap

Matt Lundquist, therapist and founder of Tribeca Therapy in New York, notes that financial gaps in relationships often create invisible tensions, especially when decisions around housing, holidays, or even dinner bills start to reflect who holds the purse strings.

'It's not always intentional, but the higher earner can start to dominate decision-making,' he says. 'Suddenly, one partner is calling the shots, and the other is asking for permission.'

This, Lundquist says, is where resentment builds. 'It can start with little things—like who chooses the restaurant—but it ends in emotional disconnection.'

Dependency Isn't Romance

Dana McNeil, a relationship therapist based in San Diego, adds that money can easily become a stand-in for control, especially when the wealthier partner begins to expect gratitude, or worse, compliance.

'Money can be an unspoken leash,' she says. 'The partner with less may start to feel like they owe something—their time, their flexibility, even their opinions.'

McNeil has seen relationships falter not because of the money gap itself, but because neither person addressed it openly.

So What Actually Works?

For couples navigating income disparities, experts say the key isn't in balancing the numbers; it's in balancing the power. Proportional contributions to shared expenses can feel fairer than splitting bills 50/50.

Having separate and joint accounts allows room for autonomy and accountability. Most importantly, talking early and honestly about money values—how you spend, what you save, and what feels 'worth it'—can prevent years of silent frustration.

Is Sofía Being Shallow—or Just Realistic?

Critics have been quick to accuse Vergara of being out of touch. But Ronit disagrees. 'She's not saying she wants a billionaire; she's saying she doesn't want to manage someone else's insecurity,' she points out. 'That's a boundary, not a bank balance.'

And the truth is, many couples have broken under the weight of unspoken financial discomfort. Vergara's wealth just makes the topic louder. 'She's setting a standard,' says McNeil. 'Not everyone has to agree with it, but it's better than pretending money doesn't matter.'

The Real Bottom Line

In 2025, women are increasingly out-earning their male partners, yet the social script hasn't caught up. Many still feel pressure to 'downplay' their success for the sake of keeping things balanced. But balance doesn't come from earning the same; it comes from understanding each other's expectations.

As Lundquist notes, 'At some point, all couples need to confront the reality that a significant part of the partnership is economic and address both the material and symbolic aspects of this.'

Ultimately, Vergara's candidness may serve as a catalyst for more open conversations about money, power, and partnership.