Gangnam Style has taken over our lives and I can only assume it is now preparing to usher in the apocalypse.
The other day I was in an upmarket bar in London Bridge and a mix of the K-pop number came on. Quicker than you could say "embarrass yourself," I immediately, without thinking and along with a number of other people, started to do the gallop with a demented look of joy on our faces, while my friends were eyeing up the Fire Exit.
And only days later when I was in the gym, I didn't realise that I accidently (yes, I swear) put Gangnam Style on single repeat and I didn't notice until I'd finish running 10K to the same tune.
Who knew a chubster from South Korea, who clearly doesn't take himself too seriously, could eventually take over the world? But clearly we've got to be worried and address the problem now.
Mind Control Falling Into the Wrong Hands
Gangnam Style has already captured the attention of millions of people around the world. At last check, the official video on YouTube racked up 650,102,979 views, which is nearly equivalent to the entire population of Europe.
You don't need to search far on the internet to find a plethora of impromptu Gangnam Style dance outbreaks and surprise recitals at formal events.
Initially, many likened the galloping dance as something similar to the Macarena or Black Lace's Agadoo:
But can you ever remember hoardes of people, who do not know each other, break out into the Macarena or Agadoo in places as unlikely as petrol stations and five-star restaurants? These cringe-worthy floor fillers are usually reserved for weddings, when Uncle Bob has had one too many bucks fizzes, or a Butlin's holiday camp.
But riding an imaginary horse a la Gangnam style is different.
We've already got Chinese dissident activist and artist Ai Weiwei doing a Gangnam Style spoof:
We've also got the eighth and current Secretary-General of the United Nations Ban Ki Moon doing the same:
All we need is our world leaders saying "hey folks, we're going to go to war and possibly mow down millions of people and raise taxes until you can't feed yourselves, but we're doing it Gangnam Style" and then the public uproaringly applaud while doing the demented dance.
It's mind control, people. The end is nigh.
In the UK, the popularity of the London Mayor Boris Johnson reached new heights with his general buffoonery. Who cares what his policies are, as long as he gets stuck on a zipwire or dances like an embarrassing Uncle at a wedding to the Spice Girls at the London Olympics 2012 opening ceremony:
Just wait until he starts doing Gangnam Style and then world domination is complete.
Buildings WILL Collapse
A simple but infrastructural point that cannot go ignored is the potential for Gangnam Style to topple cities.
Over-reaction? I think not.
When the world's greatest architects had to construct, with exact precision, skyscrapers, clubs and apartments, I doubt they factored in extra girders for mass Gangnam Style dancing.
Now take a look at this video. If you think I am galloping over your Gangnam Style parade; have a look:
But it's not all bad news.
Rapper PSY has brought out a new song that may be a welcome distraction called 'Right Now':
So far, I have only listened to it for four hours straight, for research purposes of course.