Alec Baldwin
Gage Skidmore/Flickr CC BY-SA 4.0

In a series of raw and heart-wrenching admissions, Alec Baldwin has laid bare the devastating psychological toll of the Rust shooting tragedy, revealing that he grappled with suicidal thoughts in the aftermath of the fatal event.

The 67-year-old actor, who has spent much of the last four years in a state of 'surreal' grief and legal turmoil, described his mental state as having reached a breaking point where he questioned his desire to go on.

The tragedy occurred in October 2021 on a New Mexico film set when a prop firearm held by Baldwin discharged a live round, killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins and wounding director Joel Souza. Although criminal charges against the Emmy winner were dismissed with prejudice in 2024, the emotional scars remain vivid.

Speaking on the Dopey: On the Dark Comedy of Drug Addiction podcast in December 2025, Baldwin confessed: 'I can tell you, it broke every nerve in my body. Spiritually, financially... work-wise, my career, my wife, my kids, my friends, my health.'

The Darkest Days: Alec Baldwin Admits Suicidal Thoughts

For Baldwin, the weight of the investigation and the public outcry led to a profound decline in his well-being. He admitted that there were moments when the pain was so acute that he struggled to face another day.

'When you get to that point where you go, 'I don't want to wake up another day, I'm gonna go'—I swear to God, I mean, to talk about it, and it's really kind of unappealing to me because to talk about killing yourself and to actually kill yourself are two so profoundly distinctive things,' he shared with harrowing honesty.

The actor revealed that the stress has fundamentally altered his life, claiming it has 'taken at least 10 years' off his lifespan. The mental strain manifested in a inability to perform simple daily tasks, such as getting out of bed to be with his children.

'There were times I'd lay in bed. I'd go, "Wow, my kids. I can't get up." That's not like me. I'm not like that at all,' he said, adding that he often found himself 'happier when I'm asleep than when I'm awake.'

A Family Broken: The Lasting Impact Of The Rust Tragedy

Baldwin's struggle has not been a solitary one. His wife, Hilaria, has been a vocal witness to his decline, revealing on their reality series, The Baldwins, that he was formally diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

She described him as a 'shadow of his former self,' plagued by survivor's guilt. 'He says in his darkest moments, 'If an accident had to have happened this day, why am I still here? Why couldn't it have been me?'' she shared, illustrating the depth of the trauma that has permeated their household.

The 'nightmare' is far from over for the family. In late December 2025, Baldwin was hit with a 'fresh blow' in the form of a new lawsuit filed by Seth Kenney, the owner of the company that supplied the ammunition to the Rust set. Kenney alleges that Baldwin and others made him a 'scapegoat' for the incident, a claim that adds yet another layer of legal and financial pressure to the actor's life.

Despite the ongoing battles, Baldwin maintains that his primary concern remains the welfare of his wife and seven children. 'I always feel more in pain about you than me,' he told Hilaria in a filmed confessional, 'because I think what it's done to you and how much it's hurt you.'

As he continues to navigate this 'very painful' chapter, Baldwin's story serves as a stark reminder of the human consequence that follows when the line between cinematic fiction and tragic reality is irrevocably crossed.

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