The United who? This man, Avigdor Lieberman, Israel's foreign minister, has decided that Israel's relationship with the largest country in the world is totally last century and it is now high-time for the Jewish state to make some new besties on the world stage.
Lieberman's comments come as the US-Israeli friendship soured over nuclear talks with Iran.
In light of Lieberman's fresh world outlook, we take a wry look at the potential states that Israel could cosy up to:
It's all fun and games in the Communist Republic. A lack of human rights, forced abortions, capital punishment, religious freedom (just ask Tibetans) and freedom of speech. They've got it all!
Lieberman is a Soviet at heart having been born in the former USSR. In fact, his father served in the Red Army and was imprisoned in one of Stalin's gulags for seven years so why the heck wouldn't he want to form an alliance with Vladimir and Mother Russia?
He may send weapons to Syria behind your back and lay the foundations for all-out war in the Middle East but the ex-KGB President will always be there to wrestle a bear on your behalf.
Following the collapse of the Soviet Union, Lieberman became a Moldovan, plying his trade as a bouncer. Born in the capital of Chisinau - voted one of the ugliest cities in the world - Lieberman may choose to return to his homeland to revive Israeli diplomacy. But it's what's on the inside that counts not the outside. The inside being pickpockets, credit card fraud, poverty and police checks.
4) NORTH KOREA
When in diplomatic doubt, why not do a deal with a young, up-and-coming totalitarian dictator who has a penchant for prison camps, starving his own population, nuclear proliferation and ambitions of world domination.
Note: Comes with a sterling recommendation from former NBA star.
5) CYPRUS AND GREECE
Anger has subsided in the Mediterranean and the tzatziki is flowing. Both have been bailed out by the European Union and Israel has genuinely begun joint military exercises with Cyprus. Remember to leave your bank details and molotov cocktails at home though Avi, you won't need either any more.
6) SAUDI ARABIA
Despite obvious differences, Saudi Arabia is viewed by Israel as a guarantor of stability in the Middle East. It is also a guarantor that women are not allowed on the roads, no one can tweet funny memes (how do they manage?) as all social media is banned and that gays are capitally OR corporally punished for being...well, gay.
Rumours are abound that Israel and Saudi Arabia are already coordinating against Iran meaning that Benny may have already found an ally in Abdullah bin Abdulaziz bin Abdulrahman bin Faisal bin Turki bin Abdullah bin Muhammad bin Saud. *takes breath*
Rape, genocide, hyperinflation, racism and rigged elections, it's a pariah state package deal! Extras optional.
Jeez, Louise, the new Aussie PM Tony Abbott has kicked up a right old storm since his election victory in September. The man told voters to elect him as his daughters were "not bad looking", he claimed that "abortion is the easy way out" and then stated that women are "physiologically unsuited to leadership". Just the type of man that Lieberman is looking for, we're sure.
9) SOUTH SUDAN
As the newest country in the world, founded in 2011, it makes perfect sense for Lieberman to ally with South Sudan before other powers have the chance to. If ethnic conflict, terrorism, drought and flash floods are your bag, you've come to the right place.
As Lieberman wishes to move away from traditional allies, Israel might as well jump into bed with one of its most traditional of enemies. Hurrah.
But then again, we don't really understand why Israel would want to disregard the Land of the Free for other alliances anyway...
Who do you think Israel will, or should, ally with as they begin to move away from the United States under Lieberman?