Al Murray
The Pub Landlord announced his 13-point "common sense plan" on his website

Al Murray is to stand against Nigel Farage at the general election under the guise of his Pub Landlord character.

The Oxford-educated comedian announced the "big news" on Twitter, directing followers to his campaign website.

The site has a 13-point "common sense message" to the UK, including a pledge to revalue the pound at "one pound 10p" and a promise that people will be "sent to a random hospital department to be practised on" if they turn up to A&E without a valid reason.

Murray said he intends to stand in the Kent constituency of South Thanet as part of the "Free United Kingdom Party" – a clear parody of Farage's Ukip.

"It seems to me that the UK is ready for a bloke waving a pint around offering common sense solutions," he said.

"That is why I am here to announce my intention to run for election as Member of Parliament for the constituency of South Thanet.

"Let it be known that like many of the parliamentary hopefuls in the forthcoming general election, I have no idea where South Thanet is.

"But did that stop Margaret Thatcher from saving the Falkland Islands? No."

Farage told the Guido Fawkes blog "finally, a serious opponent in South Thanet".

The incumbent MP for the seat is Conservative Laura Sandys, who holds a majority of more than 7,600 votes.

But experts have suggested that the Ukip leader could win the seat at the general election in May.

A poll from Lord Ashcroft last July showed that Ukip had a two-point-lead (32% vs 30%) over the Tories in the east Kent constituency.

The 13-point "common sense action plan":

• The pound in your pocket
The pound will be revalued at one pound 10p, so it will now be worth 10p more. Common sense.

• The NHS
If you come to A&E and it's neither an accident nor an emergency then you will be sent to a random hospital department to be practised on. Common sense.

• Foreign Policy
Germany has been too quiet for too long. Just saying.

• Immigration
Of course the reason they are coming here is because this is the greatest country in the world. The only way to stop them is for a government to change that and make things a whole lot worse. Look no further. However, in the meantime, we brick up the Channel Tunnel. With British bricks. Probably have to get some Poles in to do it. Common sense.

• Education
I believe the children are the future and there's no way you'll get me knocking teachers. Teachers are on the front line, coalface. Doing their bit to create a level playing field for our kids, although I'm not sure they're going about it the right way by making sure none of the kids can read and write. So instead of a postcode lottery a new improved Street Raffle will determine which schools your kids get into. Common sense.

• Scotland
Alex Salmond to be made First Minister for Norwich, so he can get to understand what being ignored by the rest of the country is really like. Common sense.

• Europe
I pledge that the UK will leave Europe by 2025 and the edge of the Solar System by 2050. Common market sense. In the meantime Greece to be bought and operated by Kent County Council. Couldn't be worse. Someone to do the bins at least.

• The environment
Boris Johnson to be put on an island. He keeps saying that's what he wants.

• Corporations and Globalisation
Blah blah blah blah blah paradigm blah blah blah, blah blah dialectic blah blah blah blah blah blah game-changer.

• Homes for hard working families
Build some houses but without bringing down house prices. How hard can it be?

• Defence
National Service, but only for people who don't want to do it.

• Law and Order
Unemployment causes crime: I propose to lock up the unemployed. Common sense.

• On Local issues

South Thanet to be made the new capital of the UK. Demilitarised zone to set up between North and South Thanet.