Apple Watch
The Apple Watch. Apple

Deep in the cold heart of a clean, pure white, monolithic building in California, technological overlord Apple revealed its vision of the future – a watch.

Where Apple once changed the music and mobile phone industries with its forward-thinking ideas and crisp designs, so too it now aims to do the same with a watch it hopes will alter the very course of human history.

Or something like that.

Here are the top five incredible game-changing features of the new Apple Watch.

Wrist Mounted

Apple may be trying to change the very concept of watches with its touch-screen, app-laden device, but it is still a company that likes tradition. This was evident in the potentially risky decision to make Apple Watch wrist-mounted, like the watches of yore.

The company's drive here is clearly to turn everything we thought we knew about watches on its head. This endeavour could easily have seen Apple make an ankle-adorned device or, perhaps more in-keeping with the nature of its most diehard fans, the ability to strap the Apple Watch to your penis.


Sun Dial
Apple Watch: Hipster Edition Serge Melki

A lot has been made about the apps Apple Watch will be able to use: the heart-rate monitor, the arm-wrestling app, Pintrest, but one app in particular looks set to be more popular than even Facebook or Twitter - the clock.

This snazzy built-in app will allow users to see a precise location-based measure of the fourth dimension. Reports indicate that the core concept of the app is based on an ancient stone app from around 1500 BC.

Suck it Instagram.

It Requires An iPhone

Apple Watches will only work in conjuncture with an iPhone 5, 5C, 5S, 6, or 6 Plus (running iOS 8 of course), which reduces the potential market for the device for one very good reason – SYNERGY. What a word that is; doesn't it just give you goosebumps when reading it?

The future as written by Apple will require an iTunes account so let's be honest here, if you really are interested in the Apple Watch but don't already own an iPhone, then you don't really deserve one, do you?

That goes for 4 and 4S owners too.

Relevance is a Timed Exclusive

One of Apple's biggest coups is its timed exclusivity deal with relevancy. Similar deals were struck for the creation of the iPhone and iPad, but not for the iPod. In the case of their MP3 player, Apple initially struck a permanent deal, meaning some early models continue to work even to this day.

A timed deal for Apple Watch means yours will continue to work quickly and as intended for a whole two years* before future iterations and iOS updates render it obsolete in the fast-moving modern world.

*Two years is an estimate. This time frame cannot account for corporate greed and iOS 27, which will slow down time for early versions of the Apple Watch.

It's ONLY £300! (or something like that)

With that kind of money you could buy 42.8 Casios.

apple watch variants
Apple Watch variants