Nicole Kidman revealed that she felt "vulnerable" and "deeply humiliated" while filming abusive sex scenes in HBO's hit series Big Little Lies season 1.
The Lion actress played Celeste Wright, a mother of two trying to navigate her way through an abusive relationship, in the show, which is returning for season 2. Kidman filmed scenes where her character often engaged in rough sexual acts to please her husband Perry and was often being slapped, pushed or mentally abused.
The 50-year-old actress admitted in an interview for W Magazine's August issue, "I felt very exposed and vulnerable and deeply humiliated at times."
One particular scene from episode 7 of season 1 stood out for The Hours actress. "I remember lying on the floor in the bathroom...and I just wouldn't get up in-between takes. I was just lying there, sort of broken and crying, and I remember at one point [director Jean-Marc Vallée] coming over and just sort of placing a towel over me because I was just lying there in half-torn underwear and just basically on the ground with nothing on and I was just, like [gasps]."
While filming for certain scenes, Kidman revealed that she had flashes of images of other women who had gone through similar situations, and this affected her deeply. "I'm like, 'This is authentic, this is the truth and this is what I have to do.' And it would just come through like that."
She told the magazine, "I would keep on a very brave face at work and then I would go home and I didn't realize how much it had penetrated me. It affected me in a deep way. When I would go home, I would feel ashamed, and that's the same emotions and the same feelings that Celeste was having. So we were very much parallel in the feelings."
Kidman admitted that she was willing to expose herself to be true to the art. She continued, "I'm here to tell the story and to be true to the art, not to bring my own problems in terms of what I feel comfortable with, not comfortable with. I've got to go work that stuff out so that I can come as a pure vessel to the work."