Too Polite to Ask for Your Money Back? It Could Be Costing You €150 a Year

Adults in Ireland could be losing an estimated €150 a year by avoiding awkward conversations about money, according to research commissioned by AIB. The study of 1,009 adults found that only 4% would always ask for money owed to them, regardless of the amount. Most respondents would let debts of up to €50 go rather than risk an uncomfortable conversation.

The reluctance to speak up has financial and personal consequences. Respondents reported an average of more than €100 in unchased debts, while four in 10 said unspoken money issues had soured how they felt about a relationship.

The Hidden Cost of Keeping the Peace

Almost half of respondents, 46%, said they regularly overpay on shared bills or round up payments to avoid friction. Although these additional costs may seem small individually, repeated concessions can add up.

Dan Bennett, Global Head of Behavioural Science at Ogilvy Consulting, said people rarely describe their silence around money as awkwardness. Instead, they describe it as generosity. Bennett said the fear of appearing impolite leads many people to pay what he called a Politeness Premium, affecting both their finances and their relationships.

Younger Adults Feel the Greatest Pressure

Adults aged 25 to 34 appear particularly affected. According to the research, 74% of respondents in this age group regularly overpay on shared expenses. Two-thirds of respondents also said they felt uncomfortable when someone suggested itemising a group bill. When people order different meals or drinks, an equal split can leave some paying more than their fair share.

Overpayers outnumber underpayers by two to one, the research found. Four in 10 respondents said they had never paid less than their fair share. Close friends and colleagues were among the hardest people from whom to request repayment. Women also reported difficulty reclaiming money from close friends, with 29% expressing discomfort.

When Money Disputes Affect Relationships

Four in 10 respondents said unspoken money issues had soured how they felt about a relationship. The findings suggest that leaving financial disagreements unaddressed can have consequences beyond the immediate cost. However, the research does not establish that avoiding repayment requests directly causes relationship problems.

Can Banking Tools Reduce Awkwardness?

AIB has linked the findings to its new Everyday Banking campaign, Built For Life, which focuses on everyday financial decisions. Orlaith Ryan, AIB's Chief Customer Officer, said the research highlighted how social dynamics influence daily finances and create friction.

She pointed to digital services, including the AIB Mobile App and its AI support tool, Abi, alongside assistance available through branches and telephone lines. Ryan said the bank aimed to offer digital convenience while retaining access to human support when financial matters felt urgent or personal. Bennett argued that intuitive banking tools could make payments more straightforward and reduce the emotional burden of everyday financial exchanges.

Why Asking for Your Money Back Matters

Agreeing how to divide a bill, tracking transfers, and setting clear repayment expectations can help prevent misunderstandings before they become sources of resentment.

Not every small debt needs to be pursued. Choosing to treat a friend or forgive a minor amount can be an act of genuine generosity. The distinction is whether the decision is voluntary or driven by pressure to avoid embarrassment.

AIB's findings suggest that clearer conversations about money could help people protect their finances without allowing minor debts to become a source of tension in their relationships.