There was always one, or ten, or a thousand of these people at university: the lad. And on current evidence, the Ladfather, the Lad of the Manor, the Right Honourable Member for Laddington, is the Conservative prime minister, David Cameron.
Smoking joints, getting battered, pulling women, inserting a genital extremity into deceased animals -- Cameron has, allegedly, done it all. Mostly in his time at one of the world's most elite education institutions, the University of Oxford.
According to a new biography called Call Me Dave, authored by the journalist Isabel Oakeshott and the Conservative peer Lord Ashcroft and which relies on a number of sources they say have been close to Cameron in his life, Cameron got up to all sorts at university.
In what has been dubbed by Twitter as both #piggate and #snoutrage, an anonymous contemporary of Cameron at Oxford -- now a Tory MP -- claims the prime minister inserted his (dis)honourable member into the mouth of a dead pig as part of a gruesome initiation for an exclusive dining club called the Piers Gaveston Society. The source even said he believes a photo of the incident exists. Cameron is not commenting.
This is just one of a number of allegations made in extracts of Call Me Dave published by the Daily Mail ahead of the book's release to the public. He was also partial to the odd joint, says his former Oxford colleague and now libertarian journalist James Delingpole, with whom Cameron would while away university hours smoking weed and listening to Supertramp.
And his association with the Bullingdon Club, another exclusive Oxford dining society, is well known. The Buller has a brutish reputation for dressing up like penguins, getting completely annihilated on expensive booze and destroying restaurant property in the process, which are just the kind of humble antics you'd expect from the wealthy princelings of England's dwindling aristocrat class. And Cameron was, naturally, a member.
But getting fellated by a pig carcass, knocking about with stoners and smashing up small businesses with other dinner jacketed lads didn't put women off Cameron, who was apparently a charmer batting away the attentions of a long line of ladies.
"Cameron's most significant conquest was a beautiful blonde called Laura Adshead, who seemed destined for a stellar political career," reported the Mail. "Educated at Cheltenham Ladies' College and Oxford, she dated him for a year.
"When Cameron ended it, Laura was so upset that she reportedly had to be given a period of compassionate leave from work. Later, she moved to America, where her hard-partying lifestyle spiralled into drink and drug addiction. Subsequently, she became a nun.
"Now in her late-40s, she is known as Sister John Mary and lives at the Abbey of Regina Laudis in a little town called Bethlehem, in Connecticut."
In his time, Cameron, like any lad worth his weight in Sambuca, has pretended to like cool bands and football more than he actually does. This was to gain a higher foothold in a social hierarchy, a primal baboonian showdown against his political rivals. Trouble is, he has been caught out telling porkies on both counts. Cameron claimed on of his favourite songs is Eton Rifles by The Jam given his old school's cadet corps is the subject. Paul Weller, the frontman of The Jam who wrote the song, said Cameron didn't get it. "It wasn't intended as a f**king jolly drinking song for the cadet corp," Weller told the New Statesman.
And Cameron let the mask slip when talking about football. During his 2015 election campaign, Cameron said at a press conference that he supported West Ham. Until he remembered he had just spent the past decade insisting he is an Aston Villa fan, so had to correct himself. But at least he didn't make that mistake in the middle of a Villa pub while a match was on, else it could have all gone a bit Football Factory.
For all the hype about modern lad culture, in particular at universities, there is nothing new about raucous young blokes getting hammered and committing unpardonable swine atrocities -- as David Cameron, the original lad, shows.