The second episode of Made in Chelsea series 11 was a rather volatile and general toe-curling cringefest throughout, as our favourite toffs battled it out with their first world problems and incestuous cheating accusations as per any other day. And amidst the Wattinator's (Lucy Watson) deathly stares, that could no doubt make certain woodland creatures drop dead in their place after locking eyes for a millisecond, and JP dropping the L-bomb to Binky, IBTimes UK has picked out the best bits from the new instalment, which aired on 18 April.
1. Sam Thompson is still a douchebag
It's pretty surprising that the relatively mature and refined Tiffany Watson is still dating this wally. After telling 'the lads' over lunch – whilst wearing a snapback cap – that he was going to have 'a word' with Tiff if she continues to question his so-called 'friendship' with past lover Olivia Bentley, even the likes of James Dunmore secretly thought he was a waste of space judging by his facial expressions. The juvenile brother of Louise Thompson was later spotted dancing like a plastered uncle at a wedding, only instead at a high-class nightclub event, before causing a fracas with Tiff in which she quipped: "I'll f**king punch you," in a fit of frustration. Can't say we blame her.
2. Porky-telling Stephanie Pratt gets ganged up on
Firstly, Stephanie felt the cold-blooded wrath of Lucy Watson during a shopping trip when she asked her BFF if Alex Mytton (who has a girlfriend), also 'blushes' whilst talking to her. The blonde American previously got herself into a pickle when she declared her admiration for him to pretty much half the cast during last week's episode – including a shocked Binky who is Alex's ex – and received a few daggers from morally-superior Lucy in return. She later found herself thrown into the bubbling cauldron of the Witches of Eastwick when she got a roasting from Rosie, Louise and Tiff for sniffing around a taken man. But the worst part of it all? Stephanie's humongous porky claiming she'd withdrawn her interest from Alex, since learning he was back together with Nicola Hughes, didn't put her in good stead. We can see someone's nose getting very, very long…
3. JP managed to convince himself he's in love with Binky
The beginning of the episode showed JP barking abuse at poor Binks in a clothing store, even branding her 'an idiot' at one point. Charming. However, after having a riverside chinwag with Binky's pal Ollie Locke during a fishing trip – as you do – JP confessed his potential 'strong feelings' for Binks and closed the show by dragging her to a park bench at the dead of night and proclaiming his love for her. Though we already know she's head over heels for the commitment-phobic JP - who himself makes Hugh Grant look like the saint of monogamy - Binks responded with an 'I love you' in return. Shocker.
4. Mark Francis is still the most fabulous of them all
While the rest of the gossiping cast are busy fretting about boyfriends that have social morals comparable to a Neanderthal, Mark Francis is sitting in some padded golden chair somewhere, discussing the obsolete concept of letter-writing. "I think rather sadly letter writing has become undervalued," he said to Toff. He went on: "What could possibly furnish the soul with more desire and more ardent passion than a love letter?" Here, here. Question, can someone buy us a Mark Francis for Christmas? We think every office needs one.