Fame certainly came at a price for British songstress Ellie Goulding, who has multiple hits to her credit including Burn, Starry Eyed and On My Mind. The 30-year-old opened up about her initial years while trying to set a foot in the music industry, and revealed she secretly struggled from anxiety and panic attacks.
"My life completely changed when my career started taking off in 2010," the singer-songwriter told Well + Good about her breakthrough song, Lights. "I started having panic attacks, and the scariest part was it could be triggered by anything."
In her new life as a popstar, Goulding admitted that everything wasn't as glamorous as it looked on the outside. "Secretly, I was really struggling physically and emotionally," she quipped.
So much so, that the accomplished singer even started doubting her own worth as an artist.
"I think part of what sparked my panic attacks was not feeling confident enough to believe in myself—I was scared I wasn't as good of a singer as everyone thought I was," she reveals. "And as the stakes grew, I was afraid of letting everyone, including myself, down."
Having performed for massive audience and delivered chart-topping numbers, honour came her way when Goulding was asked to perform at the 58th annual Grammy Awards last year. However, as nerves got the better of her, the singer recalled giving herself a pep-talk to prepare for her performance.
"In the moments before I walked on that stage, I gave myself a good talking-to. I was annoyed for being paralyzed with nerves every time I was about to perform on television," she remembered.
Apart from the self-motivation, Goulding now has turned to boxing and kickboxing to find inner confidence. She reveals her go-to classes are Barry's Bootcamp or Equilibrium TrX rather than gyms, which mostly see male frequenters.
"The more I started doing classes and also working out with my trainer, Faisal Abdalla, the better I felt about myself," Goulding explained. "And it wasn't about any change in my outward appearance; it was about seeing and feeling myself get better and stronger."
"I still feel nervous before performing, or have pangs of anxiety from time to time, but it's not crippling like it used to be," the singer adds.