Jay Shetty Madonna Podcast: Pop Star Opens Up About Suicidal Thoughts, Spirituality & Seeing Her Late Mother 'On the Other Side'

Pop icon Madonna has shared some of the most personal stories of her life in a candid new conversation on the On Purpose podcast with Jay Shetty.

After years of near silence in the media, Madonna broke her interview drought and delved into a deep exploration of her career, family, and the struggles she had gone through. From suicidal thoughts during a bitter custody battle, to a near-death vision of her late mother while in a coma, the Queen of Pop reflected on spirituality, forgiveness and survival.

Madonna's Near-Death Vision

The 67-year-old singer recalled a striking experience from June 2023, when she spent four days in a medically induced coma after being hospitalised with a severe bacterial infection.

'I was almost there on the other side, and I had a conscious moment,' Madonna told Shetty. 'My mother appeared to me, and she said, 'Do you want to come with me?'

She remembered replying 'No,' a word her assistant later confirmed she spoke aloud while unconscious. The star said she later realised this refusal was tied to her need to 'forgive and make good' with people she had long held grudges against, including her younger brother, Christopher Ciccone, who died in 2024.

The pair's strained relationship had softened before his passing, with Madonna describing their reconciliation as a 'weight removed' after years of distance. 'Even if he was dying — to say, 'I love you, and I forgive you' — it was a load off my back,' she explained.

Suicidal Thoughts Amid Custody Battle

Madonna also revisited an earlier low point in her life: her custody battle over her son, Rocco Ritchie, with her ex-husband, director Guy Ritchie, during her 2016 Rebel Heart tour.

'There were moments in my life where I wanted to cut my arms off,' she admitted. 'I actually contemplated suicide. It probably sounds really weird coming from me because I'm not emo, but I was like, I can't take this pain anymore.'

The 'Die Another Day' singer described lying on her dressing room floor sobbing before shows, consumed by the legal fight after Rocco chose to live with his father in London. The case was eventually settled, with Madonna and Ritchie reaching an agreement later in 2016. 'At the end of the day, I needed to learn some lessons,' she reflected. 'I'm now really good friends with my son.'

Embracing Spirituality Through Kabbalah

Beyond revisiting painful memories, Madonna spoke extensively about her spiritual path and how it has shaped her outlook. She credited her decades-long study of Kabbalah, a form of Jewish mysticism she first embraced in the 1990s, for giving her humility and resilience.

'You need to be spiritual to be successful,' she told Shetty. 'Success is having a spiritual life, period. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one.'

Her devotion to Kabbalah has included adopting the Hebrew name Esther, supporting the Kabbalah Centre's charity work, and most recently launching a new course with teacher Eitan Yardeni, titled The Mystical Studies of the Zohar.

'Spiritual wisdom is not helpful when everything's going your way,' she said. 'It's helpful when you're challenged ... Have humility. What is happening to you is meant to happen to you — and you're going to be okay.'

Moreover, Madonna described her soul's purpose as to 'reveal light in the world' through her art. 'I want it all, but I want it for the sake of sharing, not to keep it for myself.'