10 Photos of John Barrowman: Scottish Actor Opens Up About Having Suicidal Thoughts and Bouncing Back

John Barrowman has revealed in an interview that he came perilously close to taking his own life after being cancelled, driving alone into the Colorado Desert and sitting in his car as suicidal thoughts closed in. With his career in freefall and the phone no longer ringing, the former Doctor Who star said he felt utterly trapped and unable to see a future.

Then, in a moment that stopped him in his tracks, his phone chimed. A fan had paid for a personalised Cameo message.

The showman in him took over, the smile went on, and Barrowman recorded the video there and then. The sudden interruption saved his life, giving him just enough reason to turn the car around and go home.

Alone With His Thoughts

That was not an isolated incident. Barrowman, now 58, said those drives into the desert became a grim routine during the darkest period of his life.

He would sit behind the wheel with his head in his hands, staring at the dashboard and asking himself how he could escape the despair. He admitted he considered crashing the car or driving it off a cliff.

On one bleak occasion, he even noted that his Tesla's safety systems prevented him from acting on those impulses. Throughout it all, he told nobody.

Cancelled and Cast Aside

Barrowman's mental health crisis followed his sudden fall from favour in 2021. Long known as a flamboyant and fearless performer, he was abruptly pushed out of the spotlight after renewed attention was paid to his off-camera behaviour on Doctor Who and Torchwood.

Stories of him exposing himself on set, which he had previously described as silly antics meant to lift morale, took on a very different tone in the post MeToo era. He was dropped as a judge from ITV's Dancing on Ice and says the BBC severed ties without seeking his account.

The phone stopped ringing, work vanished and he felt completely blacklisted.

A Career Unravels

The professional damage was severe. A planned UK tour in 2023 was cancelled before it began because of weak ticket sales, leaving the actor devastated.

He later admitted the years following his cancellation were possibly the hardest of his life. An attempt to revive his profile on Channel 4's Celebrity SAS: Who Dares Wins backfired when he quit shortly after arriving, drawing criticism and further headlines.

Back on Stage

Four years on, there are signs of recovery. Barrowman is back in Scotland performing his festive cabaret Camp as Christmas, with near sell-out shows in Glenrothes, Edinburgh and Glasgow.

For him, the return of an audience is deeply reassuring.

He says the fanbase is still there and that fact alone has helped restore his confidence. Therapy and time, he believes, have allowed him to reflect on his past behaviour and accept that he would not act the same way now.

Life After Cancellation

Speaking on the Inside of You podcast, Barrowman revisited the Cameo moment that interrupted his suicidal thoughts. Months later, he met the fan who ordered the message and revealed the truth.

As he recalled to the Daily Mail, he told them their request had saved his life. The fan had ordered the video to lift their own spirits, never knowing the impact it would have in return.

For John Barrowman, it was more than a Cameo order but proof that there can be life after cancellation.