Kristi Noem Banned Trans Healthcare; Audio Now Allegedly Shows Her Husband Telling His Dominatrix 'I Want to Be a Woman So Bad'

The woman who signed one of America's first bans on transgender healthcare for minors is now at the centre of a deeply personal scandal after audio and text messages allegedly showed her husband privately confessing to a dominatrix that he wanted to transition to a woman.

Bryon Noem, 56, a South Dakota insurance executive and the husband of former Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, allegedly sustained a nine-year online relationship with Shy Sotomayor, a sex worker and dominatrix from Colorado Springs known professionally as Raelynn Riley.

Neither Bryon Noem nor the White House has publicly responded to the audio claims at the time of writing.

Kristi Noem's Transgender Healthcare Ban and the Public Record Behind It

On 13 February 2023, Kristi Noem signed South Dakota House Bill 1080 into law, making the state one of the first in the country to prohibit gender-affirming medical care for transgender minors. The legislation banned healthcare professionals from prescribing puberty-blocking medication, administering cross-sex hormones, or performing gender-transition surgeries on anyone under the age of 18.

Providers who violated the law risked losing their professional licences and faced civil liability. 'South Dakota's kids are our future,' Noem said in a statement upon signing. 'With this legislation, we are protecting kids from harmful, permanent medical procedures. I will always stand up for the next generation of South Dakotans.'

The ACLU and the ACLU of South Dakota condemned the signing in a joint statement, calling the law a 'heartbreaking and tragic day for thousands of South Dakotans and their families.' The Human Rights Campaign noted that every major medical organisation representing more than 1.3 million doctors had endorsed gender-affirming care as medically necessary and appropriate.

South Dakota became the second state in 2023 to enact such a ban, following Utah, and the sixth overall. It was not the first restriction Noem had signed relating to transgender South Dakotans. A year earlier, she had barred transgender women and girls from competing in school sports matching their gender identity.

The South Dakota law remained in force when Noem joined the Trump administration as DHS Secretary.

The Nine-Year Relationship: What the Daily Mail's Audio and Messages Allegedly Show

The Daily Mail's follow-up report, published 10 April 2026, alleged that Bryon first contacted Sotomayor in 2016 and maintained communication until 2020, when Kristi became governor of South Dakota. He allegedly resumed contact in 2025. Sotomayor said she discovered his true identity during the relationship and that he was unconcerned when she did. Bryon paid for the conversations using an email under the pseudonym 'Chrystalballz666' and asked to be referred to as 'Crystal,' according to the Daily Mail.

In text messages published by the outlet, Sotomayor allegedly wrote: 'Besides the fact of who your wife is, no one is prettier than me. No one is as powerful.' Bryon allegedly replied: 'F***ing true. Do you want me to be a woman?' In further exchanges, he allegedly wrote: 'I want to be a Crystal so bad... I want to be a woman so bad.'

He discussed the possibility of feminising surgery, including breast augmentation and facial procedures, as well as hormone therapy, according to the Daily Mail. IBTimes, which covered the story independently, noted clearly that it had not independently verified the authenticity of the messages published by the Mail.

In audio recordings the Mail obtained, Bryon allegedly told Sotomayor he loved her and could see them 'leaving our spouses for each other.' In a separate recording, he is alleged to have referenced 'family stuff' being 'really bad at home' around mid-January 2026, a period that coincided with the fallout from federal agents killing two U.S. citizens during immigration enforcement operations in Minneapolis, a low point in his wife's tenure at DHS.

The dominatrix told the Daily Mail she last heard from Bryon via text on 22 March 2026. 'I've had moments when I'm wondering how did this become my life?' she said. 'I just never thought I would be the mistress to ICE.'

Official Responses, Security Concerns, and the Collapse of the Noem Political Brand

Kristi Noem's spokesperson issued a brief statement to the New York Post following the initial Daily Mail report: 'Ms. Noem is devastated. The family was blindsided by this, and they ask for privacy and prayers at this time.' President Trump was told of the photos by the Daily Mail directly and responded: 'They confirmed it? Wow, well, I feel badly for the family if that's the case, that's too bad,' according to Newsweek.

The scandal has raised questions about security clearance standards and potential blackmail exposure. Noem, during her time as DHS Secretary, had access to some of the most sensitive national security information in the U.S. government. Multiple sources told the Daily Mail that White House and DHS staff had been aware of rumours about Bryon's activities 'for months' before the story broke. 'Everyone knew he had problems, especially her,' a White House insider told the outlet.

In light of the issue, the same political identity that Noem spent years building on opposition to transgender rights and traditional family values is now being dismantled, piece by piece, by her husband's alleged words.