'I've Wanted Not to Be Here': Hayley Williams Reveals How Mental Health Struggles Shaped 'Last Hope'

Hayley Williams has revealed that she experienced some of the lowest moments of her life during the writing of Paramore's 2013 song 'Last Hope', admitting that she had 'wanted not to be here' as she battled severe mental health struggles.

The 36-year-old singer shared the candid admission during an appearance on Good Hang with Amy Poehler on 1 December, explaining that the emotional weight of the track was drawn directly from the turmoil she faced after major changes within the band.

Writing 'Last Hope' During a Crisis

Williams reflected on the period following the 2010 departure of founding members Josh Farro and Zac Farro, a moment that left her and guitarist Taylor York navigating the future of Paramore under intense pressure.

She said she wrote 'Last Hope' while feeling isolated and overwhelmed, noting that the lyrics captured emotions she had long struggled to confront.

'I remember writing it and thinking, "This is so sad",' she explained, adding that the honesty of the song reflected the reality of her mental state. 'Unfortunately, it is how I feel. I've really struggled with my mental health and wanted to not be here plenty of times.'

The band channelled much of that uncertainty and pain into their self-titled 2013 album, with 'Last Hope' emerging as one of its most personal and emotionally resonant tracks. Williams said the writing process was shaped by the intense loneliness she felt at the time, underscoring how deeply her mental health influenced the song's creation.

How Live Performances Have Transformed the Song

Although 'Last Hope' originated from a place of despair, Williams said its meaning has changed significantly over the years, especially when performed in front of thousands of fans. The singer described the experience of playing the track live as powerful and unifying, noting that it has evolved into a moment of shared resilience at Paramore shows.

'Having that moment at a Paramore show, and feeling like everyone in the room has survived so many different things,' she said. 'We're all here. Half of us will never see each other again. It really does something to those types of songs.'

Zac Farro rejoined Paramore in 2017, restoring the original dynamic and adding new emotional layers to performances of older material. Williams said the band's evolution has played a significant role in how songs like 'Last Hope' connect with audiences today.

From Private Struggles to Collective Healing

Williams noted that sharing the stage with fans who have overcome their own challenges gives the song a new sense of purpose. She spoke about witnessing the emotional responses in the crowd, explaining that the track has taken on a broader meaning that extends far beyond her original intentions when writing it alone more than a decade ago.

'I wrote them in such isolation,' she said, referring to 'Last Hope' and similar tracks. 'And now here I am having to not only be a witness but bear witness to all these other experiences that have coalesced.'

A Difficult Chapter in Paramore's History

The turmoil surrounding the Farro brothers' exit in 2010 marked a significant turning point for Paramore, shaping both the band's creative direction and Williams' personal journey. The emotional fallout contributed to some of the most introspective writing of her career, culminating in an album that fans continue to view as a defining moment in the band's catalogue.

Williams confirmed her relationship with guitarist Taylor York in 2022, adding a personal milestone to the band's evolution as they continue to revisit older material with new perspective.